Kelly Oxford is . . .
A wunderkind producer of pirated stage productions for six-year-olds
Not the queen of the world
An underage schnitzel-house dishwasher
The kid who stood up to a bully and almost passed out from the resulting adrenaline rush
A born salesman
Capable of willing her eyesight to be 20/20
That girl who peed her pants in the gas station that one time
Totally an expert on strep throat
Incapable of making Leonardo DiCaprio her boyfriend
A certified therapy assistant who heals with Metallica mixtapes
"Not fat enough to be super snuggly." Bea, age four
Not above using raspberry-studded sh*t to get out of a speeding ticket
"Bitingly funny. But everybody knows that." Roger Ebert
Sad that David Copperfield doesn't own a falcon
A terrible liar.
About the Author
Kelly Oxford, dubbed "the Queen of Twitter" by Details, started writing at five years old when she penciled "I had a baby" into her Hello Kitty diary, and she hasn't stopped since. She now writes words that companies like Warner Bros., CBS, and NBC have bought for film and television and magazines like GQ have published. You can read more of her words online in places like Twitter (@kellyoxford) and Tumblr (kellyoxford.tumblr.com). Born in Edmonton, Canada, she currently lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children, who all wish they weren't in this book.
“With biting wit and always-appreciated humorous self-deprecation, Oxford’s tweets have garnered a huge following .”
“Kelly Oxford is one of the funniest writers I have read in a long time.”
“Kelly Oxford is a b*tch who got lucky and never paid her dues. She’s just like me and I love her for it.”
“I’m fascinated by Kelly Oxford. She’s a 21st century public diarist, her story told in shards, brief moments of wit and observation.”